You know you need a new accountant when....

• Your Accountant begins the initial interview with "When I was in prison..." 
• After completing your tax return showing a balance due of £3,000, your Accountant asks for it in cash. 
• You see your Accountant on TV. On Crimewatch 
•  Your Accountant thinks "amortisation" is Italian for "making love". 
•  Every time you visit Your Accountant in their office, they're smoking a joint. 
• Your Accountant tells you "You probably won't go to jail for this, but..." 
• Your Accountant is also a Lawyer, and is representing your partner in the divorce proceedings. 
• Your Accountant tells you he hasn't filed his own tax return in years 
• Your Accountant seems to have a cold all year long....and powder residue on his desk 
• Your Accountant is just happy to hear from you - even if it is at the end of January!